


Sass And Sorcery

by kuro



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Magic, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3069587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro/pseuds/kuro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is a rogue that travels the world aimlessly and does things mostly for his own amusement. Steve is a paladin that holds up the laws of his order with pride. They meet in the middle of a bar brawl. It's dislike on first sight for both of them, and yet, they're forced to work together. And maybe, they're also forced to finally face some uncomfortable truths.</p><p>Or maybe that was the beasts they're supposed to hunt?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bar Fight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpanglesandSass (Fidella)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fidella/gifts).



> The basis of this story was a DnD-esque setting, with Steve as a lawful good paladin and Tony as a chaotic neutral rogue. I've never played DnD, so I did some research and allowed myself to creative with the rest. I hope you don't mind.
> 
> The story also features ideas shamelessly stolen from other fantasy franchises. Like the title, which is stolen from "Rat Queens."

The thing was: No one had ever accused Tony of being honest. Or nice, for that matter.

So when that asshole had insulted him and told him to scram, Tony had smiled meekly and stepped aside. And then made the asshole trip and fall right into a blonde lady with a rather unusual red, blue, and yellow monk's robe. Quite expectedly, she hadn't taken kindly to the sudden assault, grabbed the guy by his neck, and slammed him unceremoniously into the table in front of her. Which had cleanly broken in half.

If the other guests in the bar took this as an invitation for a bar fight, it wasn't Tony's fault. He himself, anyway, got out of the fray as quickly as he could and climbed up to the rafters. Should they punch each other on the nose as much as they wanted, it had nothing to do with him. He had already got what he wanted. And all he had to do was stretch out his leg a little.

Safely up there hidden in the dark, he watched the monk kick an angered dwarf square across the bar (quite a feat, dwarves were by no means featherweights). A moment later, she was joined by another lady, this one wearing a black and white robe and a white headband in her black hair. Tony couldn't help but grin when she blasted another angry dwarf with a lightning bolt that left him smoking. It was highly amusing, watching the two of them decimate at least two dozen weathered fighters without breaking a sweat.

A bright yellow flash, and several burly men dropped in one of the corners of the bar. A tiny lady with short hair and a stylish black and yellow dress stepped over the unconscious bodies, making sure she placed her feet right were all the sensitive bits were. Tony raised his eyebrows; that was someone he knew. Janet van Dyne, a noblewoman that was more commonly known by her nickname 'the Wasp,' both because she had a very pronounced love of the colours black and yellow, and because everybody knew that Jan's sting _hurt_. As the guys lying on the floor unconscious had to learn just now.

Tony considered starting bar fights more often; this was _fun_. With him safely up in the rafters, that was.

Around Jan and the two other women, the fighting had calmed down rather quickly (mostly because all the people that had the misfortune of being in their vicinity were unconscious by now), but here and there, the fighting was still going on. Only the bartender was wringing his hands and dissolving into tears; the glasses and bottles behind him had been restlessly broken by a stray magic spell.

While the two-lady-team took a breather, a rather devious-looking sorcerer in a green robe snuck up to the blonde monk and threw a curse at her. The lady in the black and white cape caught sight of him in time, however, and expertly blocked the curse. She then lifted her hands, conjuring up a powerful blast herself.

It never found its aim, though. A paladin in shining armour stepped right in front of the blast, his round shield raised, and the magic harmlessly bounced off the shield.

“That is enough!” he roared.

Tony scoffed. Typical, a paladin. Always butting into other people's business, being all righteous and noble and self-sacrificing at the worst possible times.

The monk was apparently of the same opinion, because she stepped forward and punched him with full force. He tried to lift his shield in defence, but she was just _that_ bit faster than him. He flew into the wall behind him, shaking the whole house, including the rafters Tony was sitting on. That monk really packed a good punch. Quite admirably (Tony had to grudgingly admit), the paladin stood up, face twisted in anger, and went right back into the fight.

Oddly enough, Tony noticed that he only used his shield, choosing to leave his sword hanging by his side. The guy had guts. Or maybe he was just really suicidal. It was a toss-up, really, you never knew with these guys.

Tony looked on, fascinated, as the two ladies and the paladin guy slowly circled each other, glaring and trying to find a breach in each others defence. Out of the corner of his eye, Tony could see that Jan was looking on, too. This could be interesting.

If that hadn't been the very moment the city guard finally decided to storm the building (of course). “Stand down!” the head of the guard screeched, drawing his sword. “What do you think you're doing!”

The paladin looked relieved and let his shield sink, already moving towards the city guard. The head of the guard, however, was having none of that. “Stand down, I said!” he shouted at the paladin, brandishing his sword. “You're all arrested!”

“What?” the paladin squawked, eyes widening. “I tried to break up the fight! I'm not a bar brawler!”

“ARRESTED!” the head of the guard shouted. “NOW LINE UP!”

The four of them that were still standing all looked at each other for a moment, and then lined up as they were told to. The green guy had apparently taken his chance and packed off, along with a few others who had still been conscious. Lucky for them, Tony guessed. The city guards quickly surrounded the remaining four, waving their swords nervously. (It was a joke, honestly. If they really wanted, the four 'prisoners' could defeat all of these little footsoldiers easily.)

“What about the guy in the rafters?” the paladin suddenly asked. “He's the one who started it, after all.”

Tony gritted his teeth. Of course the goody-two-shoes paladin had smelled injustice and see him trip that asshole over. Damn him.

“Come out, or we're going to shoot you down!” the head of the guard screeched, his eyes bulging. Tony rolled his eyes. Yeah, he wanted to see them trying. He wasn't coming down here, no sir.

The paladin lifted his shield, and then the fucker _threw it at him_. It hit Tony in the shoulder and he fell from the rafters like a sack of potatoes. Luckily, a squishy (and fortunately unconscious) half-orc cushioned his fall. “What the fuck?” Tony groaned. “You fucking nutjob!”

“Hey, Tony,” Jan greeted him with a smile. She held out a hand to help him up. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Long time no see, Jan,” Tony mumbled, rubbing his back. Ouch. That would leave a nasty bruise. “I'd say we should have a drink, but it looks like the party is over.”

Jan laughed.


	2. Departure

They were all detained for a long time. The three women seemed to be getting along splendidly in their corner of the cell, chatting with each other animately. The guy from the rafters (Tony?), however, kept stalking back and forth at the front of the small cell, ignoring everyone else, his eyes stuck to the door. Steve couldn't help but feel irked. The guy had put them all into this situation in the first place, and now he was driving everyone crazy, too.

By the time Steve was seriously contemplating making him sit down and stay still by force, thankfully the guards finally came to pick them up. Together, they were brought in front of the city council, the highest power in the city. Each and every member of the council was also grey and old. Not that Steve necessarily saw a problem with that. 

The head of the council, a lady with particularly long and wavy grey hair, gravely stared down on them with furrowed brows. “You have been called here,” she began, her voice just as grave as her look, “because you brought unrest and destruction to the city.”

Steve felt his own brow furrowing. He hadn't had a part in that. He had only tried to stop the fighting. With little effect, but still. He took a deep breath and kept quiet, though. Those were the rules of his order: Accept your punishment without complaint.

“Some citizens are demanding heavy punishment in return for the damages,” the head of the council continued. “However, the council does not believe in simply punishing disturbers of peace for punishment's sake (aren't you lucky). So instead, we have a task for you. Our city has been plagued by an infestation of dire wolves in the Eastern Mountains lately. Our cattle and our sheep have been killed or have disappeared. The city is worried. I want you to go into the Eastern Mountains and take care of the situation. Together.”

Tony scoffed. “Sorry, milady, but no way I'm working together with these people,” he said, shooting Steve a meaningful look. “Excuse me.” With that, he turned around to leave.

Steve grabbed his arm and held him back almost without thinking. “You're not going to leave,” he hissed. “We're going to do this. Whether you like it or not.”

“No,” Tony said coldly, his blue eyes flashing. “No, I'm not.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, both of them angry and unwilling to give in.

Jan, the petite lady in black and yellow, tsked loudly. “Children, stop that. We'll go together. End of discussion, Tony.”

Tony looked far from happy, but he didn't argue with her. Steve sighed internally. On one hand, he was glad that irritating guy listened to someone. On the other, now he was stuck with a group of bar-fighters for Goddess knew how long. This was really the last thing he needed right now.

“Gather everything you need,” the head of the council commanded. “You will be leaving immediately. And do not bother to come back should you fail. That would have dire consequences.”

None of them looked particularly happy, but they all nodded reluctantly and were escorted away to get ready for the hunt. Steve sighed internally (again, because once was not enough). He was going to regret that very much, he just knew it. If only he could change the council's mind. He hadn't done anything wrong. He had only done what had been expected of him.

♥ ♥ ♥

Tony couldn't believe it. He knew better than to oppose Jan (that way was a world of hurt), but now he was stuck with a bunch of goody-two-shoes for _days_. At least the ladies knew how to fight. Maybe that would keep his own involvement to a minimum.

He quickly got rid of the guards that were supposed to escort him and went to his hide-out on his own. He didn't want anyone to breathe down his neck while he was gathering his things, and he liked his little secrets. It was rather unlikely he would come back here, however. He might have agreed to go along with the whole thing for now, but maybe that had also been a sign that it was time to move on. In any case, it was doubtful that he would return to this city at all, and so he packed everything he didn't want to leave behind. Just to be sure. It wasn't that much, anyway.

As he snuck back out of his hide-out, he grumbled to himself a little. That paladin still bothered him. These types never got on well with Tony, anyway. They always acted so high and mighty, but when it came right down to it, their single-minded focus on holding up the laws of justice did more harm than good. Blinded for everything else, they stepped right into every trap.

Just to show that he could, Tony used the roofs rather than the busy streets and then dropped down right next to the paladin already waiting in the middle of the square right in front of the city gates. The paladin startled badly and glared at him when he realised it had only been Tony playing a prank on him.

“Great, we're all here,” the lady in black and white said quickly, maybe to nip any possibility of a fight in the bud. Another fight right here in the city probably wouldn't end well for anyone – not that Tony especially cared. The lady in black and white shot him a look that clearly spelled that she knew what Tony was thinking. “Even the ceiling chicken has managed to find his way, wonderful. My name is Monica, by the way.”

“Janet,” Jan chirped, smiling at all of them excitedly. Tony remembered; Jan had always been a sociable person and had a knack for getting along with the oddest kinds of people. The only thing she loved more than socialising was adventure. This was basically an extremely fun outing for her, he guessed. Well, at least one person was having fun.

“Carol,” the blonde monk said, looking rather unenthusiastic. Definitely only one person.

The paladin started to say something, but then he stopped himself and shook his head. “Steve,” he managed eventually.

Tony raised his eyebrows. Had he tried to lie? Or had he tried to introduce himself in the traditional manner of the paladins? (Which was way too formal and long, in Tony's opinion.) “Tony,” he himself said. “Not that it's important. Let's get this done.”


	3. The First Night

For a while, they all walked on in silence. Janet was surprisingly fast for her size, energetically walking ahead, flanked by Carol and Monica. Steve walked behind them, eyes and ears open even though he knew it wasn't really needed yet. Tony was the strangest one. He was slower than the rest of them them, flitting from one side of the road to the other, looking around and sometimes disappearing down a slope or into a bush for a moment before he popped up again. Steve wondered if he was planning an escape, so he kept both his eyes and ears on him, making sure he would realise if the guy was trying to inconspicuously buzz off.

“Can't you walk like a normal person?” Steve asked at some point, irritated. “We're getting nowhere like that.”

“Normal for who?” Tony scoffed. “People like you? Who wander through life, only seeing the things they want to see?”

Fine, Steve got it. The guy didn't like him. Or, actually, he didn't seem to like paladins in general. But did he have to be so annoying about it?

Still, after that, Tony didn't stray quite as far from the path as he had before.

Once the sun was getting closer to the horizon, the three ladies turned around. “It's probably a good idea to look for a place to rest soon,” Jan said. “We're not getting much further today, and I really don't want to have to sleep out in the wilderness.” She made a face that clearly spelled how she felt about sleeping on the ground.

“There's an inn not too far from here,” Tony informed them. “It even has decent food.”

Steve wouldn't have minded a night under the open sky, but everyone else seemed rather intent on reaching the inn. He was simply used to a different life, he figured. Contentment and humility were two values that were near and dear to every paladin's heart.

They marched on, and just when the sun had set and it was getting dark, they reached the inn. It wasn't a very fancy place, a sturdy building of only two floors, built to defy bad weather and the wear and tear of travelling guests alike.

When they entered the place, the innkeeper looked up from whatever he had been doing just before and made an annoyed face. “I don't have rooms for that many people,” he curtly announced.

“Give us what you have, then,” Monica said, towering over the patron with all of her not insignificant height and staring him down mercilessly.

“I have two free doubles?” the innkeeper asked, getting a little subservient under Monica's stern gaze.

“Oh, isn't that just perfect,” Jan smiled. “We ladies will fit into one, don't worry. The guys can have the other one.”

Tony immediately opened his mouth to protest, but Jan viciously pinched him, still smiling brightly. Steve quietly decided this probably wasn't the right time to complain about the room arrangements. If someone could make Tony shut up, he didn't want to try out how well _he_ would fare against them. But he also really didn't want to share a room with Tony, either. For one moment, he entertained opting out and looking for a nice patch of earth in the courtyard instead. Then he shook his head lightly. It was one night. How bad could it be?

The innkeeper gave them all a strange look, but he produced the keys and then wiggled his fingers at them, demanding money. With some muttering, they all produced a silver coin.

♥ ♥ ♥

After a satisfying, if not overly fancy, dinner (that had been accompanied by a conversation between Jan, Carol and Monica while Steve and Tony were busy glaring at each other), they all went to their rooms after saying their good-nights rather quickly. To Steve's shock, he realised upon entering his room that the double was, in reality, an actual _double bed_. Why they would put one like that in an inn like this was beyond him, but it meant that Steve had to share not only a room with Tony, but also a bed.

Tony, of course, immediately went ahead and snagged the better side of the bed for himself. (Rude.) “Come,” he said with a grin. He patted the empty side of the bed invitingly. “Don't be shy.”

Steve stared at the bed as if it might bite him if he wasn't careful. Tony was making fun of him. And technically, sharing a bed with a guy wasn't something extraordinary or outrageous. He'd done it before, and with more than one person. There was nothing to it. He _knew_ that.

“Don't tell me you guys have some kind of chastity vow or something?” Tony asked mock-seriously when Steve didn't move at all. “I promise I won't be a threat to your innocence.” He raised an eyebrow. “Unless you want me to be.”

“If you think that'll not make me want to use the bed, you thought wrong,” Steve said, trying to look as if he wasn't impressed by what Tony was saying at all. Sighing (this was becoming a bad habit), he started taking off his armour. Tony was clearly trying to rile him up. Well, he wouldn't succeed. Steve was above things like that. Definitely.

When he had stripped to his underwear (just to show Tony that he wasn't afraid), he laid down on his side of the bed, wrapping himself in the blankets.

“Good night,” he said.

Tony looked disappointed for a moment, but then he mumbled his good-nights, too. He leaned over to his little bedside table and blew out the light of the candle.

 _That'll show him_ , Steve thought, satisfied just the tiniest little bit.

♥ ♥ ♥

Tony had miscalculated. Badly. He had only tried to rile Steve up a little, really. Tease him a bit and see what would happen. But now, he was the one who was getting riled up. Steve not only had absolutely no shame and walked around almost naked, but he also (unfortunately) delivered what the rather well-formed armour promised. The first thing Tony saw when he woke up in the morning was Steve's back, bowed over the wash basin while he was washing his face. He was still only wearing a loincloth, and Tony could idly observe him in all his glory.

Broad shoulders, a body with muscles in all the right places, a torso that tapered off at the waist and led to a round butt and strong, muscular legs. Tony was simultaneously torn between admiring the view and feeling horribly inadequate next to the guy. Of course, he himself was muscular and good-looking, too, but how could he even try to compete with that kind of... _raw masculinity_?

He mentally beat himself and got out of bed. Steve wanted to play a game? He would get a game. “Good morning, handsome,” he greeted Steve at the washing basin, stripping out of his own under-shirt and looking up at Steve through his eyelashes. Steve looked at him for a moment, blushed a little and then looked down at the basin again, viciously scrubbing himself.

Tony grinned. He also bent over the basin, starting to wash himself and making sure that he did so as showily and seductively as possible. He was pretty good at that, he knew it. Being seductive was an excellent method to cheat people out of things. And it was less strenuous than having to force them.

Steve only blushed harder at the sight and started scrubbing himself down that much quicker. As soon as he was more or less done, he grabbed one of the towels lying next to the basin and hurriedly dried himself off.

“Aw, sugar doll, do I make you nervous?” Tony grinned, batting his eyelashes at him.

“No?” Steve quickly said, but the sounded unsure and nervous more than anything else.

A drop of water dropped off Steve's perfectly clean-shaven chin and onto his chest. Impulsively, Tony leaned forward and licked it off Steve's chest, looking Steve straight into the eyes. Steve looked like he might spontaneously combust.

“Great.” He sniggered, took his own towel and dried himself off languidly.

Now _that_ was payback.

♥ ♥ ♥

This day just got continually worse. When Steve woke up, he was immediately greeted by the sight of a sleeping Tony. For one short moment, Steve idly studied the long eyelashes, marvelling at how _young_ his face looked when Tony was unguarded. Not to mention that ridiculous beard that managed to make him look dashing somehow. Just how he achieved that was a complete mystery to Steve. On anyone else, it would probably look either horribly vain or completely idiotic. When he realised what he was doing, Steve quickly struggled out of bed and started washing himself. Seriously, staring at sleeping people you barely knew was creepy. And rude.

On the other hand, he'd like to think that he was by far not the only person who would like to take a good look at that face. The ladies must be all over him, Steve imagined. He quickly splashed water on his face to get rid of that particular image.

And then, while he had been cleaning himself, Tony had woken up, flirted with him and done _that_. He blushed hotly when he remembered the feeling of Tony's soft tongue on his chest, and the roguish sparkle in his eyes. That was all him, wasn't it. Flirting and teasing and never being serious about anything. Those were the kinds of people they told you to stay away from.

He quickly descended the stairs and found the three ladies already at breakfast.

“Good morning,” he greeted with a smile, trying to ban all thoughts of that little imp getting dressed in their room right this moment.

“Good morning,” the three others greeted back, all of them looking perfectly well-rested. Apparently, they had had a less exciting night than Steve.

“Did Tony bother you?” Jan asked with a knowing grin.

Steve wanted to lie, to say that noting had happened, but all three zoomed in to him already, and he knew he wouldn't be able to escape their clutches anyway. “A little?” he tried.

“Don't take him too seriously,” Jan said. She gave him a sympathetic little pat on his arm. “He's always been a flirt, and you're just such easy prey. If he's bothering you, just tell him to stop.”

“He hasn't tried anything with any of you, though,” Steve observed, a little irked. “I mean, I kinda feel he's out for me.”

Jan laughed. “Oh, honey, he wouldn't dare to flirt with Carol or Monica, he's seen what they can do, and he knows that they wouldn't appreciate any flirting on his part.” Carol and Monica nodded in agreement, giving each other a fist bump. “As for me, we've known each other for a long time, and these kinds of things are long behind us. When it comes to you, though, he knows exactly that he _can_ tease you, and that you won't get angry at him for doing it. He chooses his victims well.”

Steve looked down at his hands, feeling a little dejected.

“Don't worry,” Jan assured him. “The fact that he takes his time to tease you means he doesn't actually dislike you. He simply ignores _those_. Maybe you just need to...relax a little?”

Steve sighed and nodded, but he wasn't sure he agreed. He didn't get along with people like Tony. They were trouble, and Steve had sworn an oath to stay out of trouble. Technically speaking.

“Good morning, everyone,” Tony greeted, sitting down next to Steve, looking all prim and proper. “You all look especially awe-inspiring today. Perfectly ready for some monster-hunting.”

Jan punched him into his side. “And you've found your big mouth again, I see,” she teased. “Don't tease Steve too much, he's a nice guy.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “He's a paladin.”

“Rhodey's a paladin, too, if I remember correctly?” Jan asked, but the tone of her voice said that she was sure that she _was_ remembering correctly.

“ _That's_ something different,” Tony mumbled, suddenly more interested in the food in front of him than anything else.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. That name... “James Rhodes?” he asked. “He's your friend?”

Tony looked up at him, surprised. “You know Rhodey?”

“It's not like there are all too many paladins out there,” Steve said. “But yes, I know Rhodes. He's one of the best.”

Tony looked at him with what looked like interest for the first time.

“He was...he was one of my teachers,” Steve continued, because Tony's eyes seemed to encourage him to carry on. “I was skinny and out of shape at the time, and he was one of the few people that were patient with me.” He grinned at the memory. “I was a horrible student.”

“Then how did the horrible student become such a boring guy?” Tony asked, pointing at Steve with his wooden fork. “That certainly wasn't Rhodey's fault.”

“I swore an oath that I need to protect,” Steve hissed. He was _not_ boring. “And anyway, how would Rhodes ever become friends with a guy like you?”

Tony looked distinctly put out by that, but before he could say anything, Carol bonked them both on the head. “Goddess,” she said. “We'd hoped that a night in close quarters would help you two get along a little better. But nope, you're still behaving like children. Well, then you can apologise like children. Hold hands and make up.”

Both of them glared at her angrily, but she only raised her fists, letting her chi flow freely for good measure, and the two of them hastily grabbed each others hand and shook it. You really _don't_ want to get punched by a monk if you can avoid it.

“I apologise,” Steve said, trying to put as much sincerity into the words as he could manage. (It wasn't that much.)

“Sorry,” Tony said, looking completely unenthusiastic. He didn't let Steve's hand go, however.

“Good,” Carol finally decided. “ _Now_ we can go monster-hunting.”


	4. To The Mountains

Monica told them about the sea while they marched. She had grown up at the seaside and loved the sea, although life had had something different in store for her. She had started out as a so-called coast guard, patrolling the sea and keeping it clean from pirates. When an accident had awakened her latent magic abilities, however, she had chosen a different path, at least for a little while.

Steve listened to her stories, fascinated. He'd never really been at the seaside; he'd grown up in a large, chaotic city, and all of his earliest memories were of winding alleys and thick smoke and fog curling around street corners. Only after he'd become an apprentice with the order he'd started travelling around, seeing different places that he had only ever heard of before in the tales of those wandering storytellers that moved from city to city.

After a while, it was Carol that spoke about her childhood in the mountains, growing up in a relatively poor farmer's family before she joined the monks to train. How she left them, too, and now travelled around on her own.

Steve stupidly asked why she would leave her own order, and Carol laughed sarcastically. “Oh, Steve,” she said, giving him a quick one-armed hug. “You're cute. And too sincere for your own good. There are a few too many monks that care little about the ethic values a monk is supposed to follow. If I had stayed there, I would have made myself complicit in their misdeeds. So I left, and now I'm living by my own rules, doing my own thing. It's pretty great, to be honest. Although I miss the sense of community sometimes.”

“Well, I guess you have to pay the price for freedom, I guess,” Jan mused.

“What was yours, then?” Steve asked, curious. It sounded like she spoke from experience.

“Me?” She smiled. “I gave up my status as nobility and escaped a life in a golden cage. Much like Tony, although he's probably a different case than I am.”

Tony gave her a quick glare, but she only wiggled her eyebrows at him.

“What about you, then?” Steve asked Jan. He could very well imagine her as a noble lady. She had the bearings of one, anyway.

“Oh, they tried to marry me off, dangling me in front of a variety of potential marriage partners like a piece of meat,” she told him nonchalantly. “They even arranged one of those god-awful tournaments. The winner gets the bride.”

“And?”

“I won my own hand,” she told him with a vicious grin. “And then left to live my life in my own way. I always wanted a bit of adventure in my life anyway, not wither somewhere shut away in a tower.”

Monica smiled “That'd certainly be a horrible waste.”

“You think so?” Jan asked and beamed at her. “Well, there are certain advantages when it comes to travelling with me. Did you notice your coat needs a little mending? It's all frayed out here. Oh, I could also sew you a new one? I'm pretty good at it, just so you know...”

Monica indulged her with another smile, and for a while, the two of them were in their own little world, discussing designs and fabrics that were resistant to wear and tear.

Carol and Tony were walking ahead, talking about something Steve couldn't hear. They seemed to be getting along pretty well, even though it had been Tony who had deliberately involved Carol in this whole...whatever this was. But at least, he got on better with the others than with him. Steve guessed that was something.

That heavy feeling in his chest definitely wasn't disappointment.

♥ ♥ ♥

Jan popped up next to his side after a while, smiling at Steve. “You're wondering about Tony, aren't you?” she asked him quietly.

“I'm not saying I'm not,” he answered honestly, “but I don't think I should hear it from someone else?”

Jan shook her head. “Tony doesn't want to talk about it. In fact, he likes to pretend his life before this hasn't existed at all.” She sighed, looking down at her hands. “I just want you to understand. When I said Tony and I are somehow similar, I meant that we were both born into nobility. I was 'just' a noble, though, while he was an actual prince. The heir to the throne, even.”

She looked at Steve, gauging his reaction. But now that she had started, he couldn't bring himself to stop her. Tony had been a prince? Looking at him now, nothing seemed to indicate his former status. Sure, he was handsome, but in a roguish way. His clothes were sturdy rather than fancy, well-maintained leather that would weather any kind of strain. And while he had a certain bearing, it was more the bearing of a man who had seen the world, and not that of a sheltered aristocrat.

“Since we were both nobility and about the same age, we met quite early in life,” Jan continued her story. “They even tried to get the two of us engaged, but that didn't work out very well. I guess we both realised very quickly that we were both similar in the way that we liked our own freedom.” She sighed. “And then his father died, and because Tony was still underage, one of the counsellors of the former king became regent in Tony's stead. Unfortunately, he also was your typical power-hungry tyrant, only that no one knew that at this point. Tony himself always had other plans. Once he ascended the throne, he was planning to turn the whole kingdom into a democracy. Can you believe that? He always said he wasn't made to be a king. So the next logical step, at least for him, was make the people rule themselves.”

“He didn't succeed,” Steve observed.

“No, he didn't,” Jan said sadly. “He might have been too trusting, too good a person, I don't know. He didn't hide his plans from Obadiah, his regent, whom he saw as a father substitute. But Obadiah wasn't willing to just let Tony take the power he had finally gained from him. He wasn't willing to give up his status. Machinator that he was, he managed to get the heir to the throne get convicted for treason, and almost had him executed.”

Steve listened breathlessly. The person he had probably trusted most had almost killed Tony?

“He really would have died if it hadn't been for Rhodey,” Jan continued. “He had only just become a paladin at that time. Technically, he broke his vow to the order just to save Tony. Tony had been convicted in the name of justice, and paladins can't go against the laws. Rhodey didn't care about that, saved Tony regardless of what anyone said and hid him away. I'm not sure how he managed to stay in the order after that. But he did, and Tony is here now. I'm not sure what he did in the mean time. The End.” She patted Steve lightly on his back.

“You're a horrible chatterbox, you know that, Jan?” a quiet voice startled Steve out of his thoughts.

“Sorry, Tony,” Jan apologised with a grin. She gave him an one-armed hug that Tony reciprocated immediately. “I just wanted to make sure that we're all on the same page here.”

“You're lucky I like you,” Tony said, giving her a kiss on her cheek. “So you're forgiven.”

“How gracious,” Jan laughed.

The two continued walking in front of Steve, and while he would have thought it rude otherwise that they didn't acknowledge his presence at all, right now was glad to be left alone for a minute. It meant he had a moment to re-evaluate his view of the world that he had been so sure of.

James Rhodes had disobeyed the rules of the order to save the man currently walking in front of him.

A man who had done nothing wrong other than being too honest.


	5. Confrontation

“We're coming closer to the mountains,” Monica said at some point in the afternoon. “I think it's time to start looking for the source of the disturbances.”

Carol took a good look around before she turned around to Jan and Monica and gave them a look. “You're probably better than me than I am, but...”

“This might not be dire wolves,” they answered in unison.

Tony could basically _feel_ Steve furrow his brows next to him. The guy was just irritatingly genuine. After Jan had spilled the beans, he'd been quiet for the remainder of the journey, likely busy with mental self-flagellation. Because all the paladins who were supposed to keep up law and order had quietly watched as Tony had been convicted a traitor to the kingdom, and only Rhodey had dared to help him (and done so by breaking the laws of the paladins themselves). Tony had really only survived because one single guy had valued his own morals over the codex of these warriors for 'justice'.

In any case, right now, they were facing a much larger problem. “What is it?” Tony asked.

“There's some kind of weird energy flowing through the land,” Monica said, her eyes following lines that were only visible to her. “It's unnatural, and, if my skills are worth anything, dangerous. Someone is dabbling in the dark arts.”

“Animal sacrifices,” Jan grimaced. “And not only that, I think.”

Tony shot a quick look towards Steve, who had gone visibly paler. Human sacrifices were not his cup of tea, apparently.

“Are we even equipped for that kind of thing?” Tony asked, making sure his light leather armour was fine and his weapons were close at hand.

“We'll see about that,” Steve grumbled. He gripped his shield and stomped ahead.

Tony gave the three ladies a look, but all of them followed him wordlessly.

♥ ♥ ♥

It didn't take them too long to find some pretty clear evidence that something was terribly wrong. At first, they noticed that the birds had stopped singing. In fact, it seemed as if no birds or animals were living in the woods at the foot of the mountain. Instead, the forest was full of murky places that felt anything but welcoming. Over time, the road they had been following got worse, and by the time it started sloping upwards, the trees got more forbidding, too. Many plants were withered, while others looked strangely deformed.

“Over there,” Monica suddenly said, pointing towards a ledge in the side of the mountain, halfway hidden by the trees. “The energy is strongest right there.”

Not knowing what they would be faced with, they made their way through the foliage and up the slope as quietly and inconspicuously as possible. The ledge led to a dark cave, but it was impossible to determine how large it was from the outside. For a moment, they looked at each other questioningly. Risk it and light up a torch?

Carol was the first to shake her head. “We might as well burst in with a fanfare,” she whispered. “Though that might not be the worst idea. Surprise them before they can surprise us.”

Tony sighed. “Me and Jan'll go in first,” he announced.

Steve made a noise of protest, but Tony quickly hushed him. “Don't get your panties in a knot. Jan and I are the most unobtrusive of the bunch, Mr. Sparklypants. Jan, if you please.”

Jan grinned at Steve and then conjured up a spell – and changed her own body until it was flitting through the air, as tiny as a wasp. Steve's mouth hung wide open.

“We all have our little special skills,” Tony sniggered. “See you later.”

With that, he and Jan entered the cave.

♥ ♥ ♥

The cave was dank and smelly. Jan was lucky, because she could fly and didn't have to touch the floors or the walls. Trying to avoid any accidental slipping in the gloom, Tony made his way through the cave only slowly and very carefully. Who knew what he would infect himself with if he fell into one of these puddles of goop on the floor.

After a while, the passage they were in made a sharp bend to the left. Tony walked up to the bend and peeked around the corner. The passage continued for a few steps more before it suddenly dropped into an abyss. An eerie glow came from the bottom of it.

Carefully, the two of them snuck closer. Peeking over the ledge, they were greeted by an nightmarish sight around ten feet below them. Jan made an angry buzzing sound.

The place, already a labyrinth of stone and rock, had been redecorated into a genuine hell-hole. Rotting carcasses were strewn everywhere, and every imaginable surface had been drenched in blood. Strange symbols were etched into the stone, covering the walls and the ground, glowing an eerie green even through the blood. The most frightening thing however – there was something moving in the dark. And it had realised they were there.

“Jan, get out of here,” Tony managed to shout before a tentacle shot up and wound itself around Tony's ankle. He quickly drew his short sword, but before he cut hack at the tentacle, another one found his arm and started dragging him towards the ledge. “Go!”

He fell.

♥ ♥ ♥

Steve cursed under his breath. Why had he let the two of them enter that cave? He should have known better. He had known that something weird was going on in there, why had he let them go ahead without protection? Without regard for his personal safety, he hasted through the cave, following Jan's lead. Carol and Monica followed just behind him.

A few times, he almost slipped on some kind of goo, but he didn't let that hinder him. Every second counted. Maybe Tony was already dead.

No. He couldn't be dead.

They came to an abrupt stop when they exited the passage and entered a larger cave. Blood-curdling noises echoed from the walls of the cave, shadows slithered like snakes across them, eerie lights blinked on and off.

Where was Tony?

“There!” Carol shouted, pointing at the far end of the cave. Tony was there, looking tiny ~~and lifeless~~ while a large tentacle was tightly wrapped around him and shaking him slightly. Carol didn't hesitate for another second and jumped off the high ledge into the dark underneath it. Jan flitted after her.

Steve held his breath; was she crazy? A normal person wouldn't survive a jump like that. But one moment later, he saw something red, blue, and yellow streak past a green glowing incantation circle. He relaxed a little. One possibly dead person was enough for him already.

“Ready?” he asked Monica, who had stayed with him. She nodded determinedly.

Their descent was a little less elegant than Carol's or Jan's, because neither of them could fly or survive a drop like that. Still, they made it with only a few scrapes and bruises. Without bothering to hide themselves, they quickly ran after the other two, even though they were long out of sight by now. Steve concentrated on finding them, rather than getting distracted by the carcasses lining their way. The smell was already pungent enough; he really didn't want to know what exactly it was that was rotting in here.

A figure in a black coat suddenly appeared out of thin air, blasting a curse at them. Steve raised his shield to block the it while Monica simultaneously shot a white-hot lightening at the figure. It crumpled into itself, and the two of them continued running barely without stopping. Steve didn't care right now. Tony might be dead, his friends were in danger, he didn't care about anything else.

A loud crash came ahead of them. Steve and Monica sped up, right in time to see Carol get grabbed by a tentacle. In two large steps, Steve was beside her and slammed his shield down onto the tentacle, severing it. Monica sent a shower of electricity after the withdrawing stump, while Carol swung around and punched another of those dark hooded figures in the face. A buzz came from above them, and two more hooded figures dropped down. Jan, still in her tiny wasp form, flitted down after them.

“What is going on here?” Monica asked, poking at one of the hooded figures. “Look at the emblem on their coats – these look like 'The Secret Cultists of the Revered Lord Cthulhu'. Don't look at me like that, I didn't choose the name.”

“And what do they do?” Steve asked, already getting a bad feeling.

“They try to summon their 'Revered Lord Ctulhu' – a giant monster with tentacles that is supposed to herald the end of the world,” Monica answered.

They were all quiet for a moment.

Then they started running.

♥ ♥ ♥

Steve cursed under his breath again. What had he been thinking, letting Tony and Jan go in on their own? But of course, Tony had grinned at him in that irritating way, and Steve had simply let him do whatever he pleased.

Fucking hell.

He ran faster.

He didn't exactly knew where he was running to, but the last time they had seen Tony, he had been at the very back of the cave, so that was their surest bet.

A tentacle suddenly shot out of a gap between two rocks, reaching out for Steve. Without thinking, he raised his shield in defence, but Carol had already jumped into action and kicked the tentacle away with full force.

“It's about time you give that sword of yours a workout, I'd say,” Monica commented dryly.

“We're only supposed to use it as a last resort,” Steve gritted out, running but keeping his eyes open for another attack.

“Don't act like you don't know that this definitely counts as a last resort, Steve,” Carol said. “And Tony'd probably add that rules are stupid anyway. He's probably right for once, I'd say.”

Steve would have had a lot to say about that, honestly (and then maybe had to eventually admit that rules were extremely superfluous from time to time), but right that moment, they finally reached the back of the cave. The writhing shadows made it difficult to see, but Tony was definitely there, hanging from a tentacle dangling right in the centre of the small opening. Right in front of Steve. It was a trap, he knew it.

He drew his sword in one swift move, jumped and neatly cut off the tentacle that was holding Tony. With the other hand, he grabbed Tony and rolled into a ball to cushion their fall. The impact on the cold, hard stone hurt, but Steve kept his teeth gritted. No time for whining about the little hurts and pains now.

Several blasts of electricity and energy from behind him kept any attacking tentacles off him. If Steve hadn't been in the middle of a monster attack, he would have probably smiled. He could still hear Carol's words in his ear. _I miss the sense of community sometimes._ Didn't he, too? The times when he had been an apprentice, training with others, being supported by them. Now, he spent a lot of time on his own.

Steve took a deep breath and gently deposited Tony on the floor. Then he closed his eyes and folded his hands in prayer.

Steve had never seen what happened when he used it himself, but he had seen other paladins do it, the white blinding light and the magic spells. It was as impressive as it was effective – against the creatures of evil, anyway. And by now, there was no doubt that this _was_ a creature steeped in evil forces. He concentrated and prayed with all his might.

_Goddess, oh hear my prayer. Smite this creature, born from the darkest of evils. Protect us from those trying to harm us. And please, please don't let Tony die._

There was a sudden, horrible screech, a low rumble, and the whole cave shook for a moment. Steve could hear a few stones fall from the ceiling and fall to the floor very close to him, but he didn't move. He stayed right where he was and continued praying with all his might.

When the shaking had finally stopped, he slowly opened his eyes. The tentacles where gone, and while Carol, Monica and Jan looked a little dusty, they seemed to be unharmed.

“That...was impressive,” Monica commented, eyebrows raised.

Steve only shrugged, gathered Tony in his arms, and marched right out of that damned cave.

♥ ♥ ♥

It was in the middle of the night by now, but they had little choice other than find their way back to the inn they had stayed at the night before. Nobody wanted to stay close to that cave longer than it was necessary, and they wouldn't be able to help Tony out here in the wilderness, anyway. So they all marched on, tired, dirty and a little shell-shocked, none of them up for conversation.

Carol had pointed out once that someone needed to come back and make sure that cave was really burnt out and the cult taken care of, but the others had just tiredly nodded in a way that clearly spelled 'Yeah sure, but it's not going to be _us._ '

Steve's arms were starting to hurt by now, but he refused to put Tony down for even one second. Somehow, his brain was convinced that something terrible would happen then. In the pale shine of the little lights that Monica had conjured, Tony looked even weaker and more vulnerable. And he wasn't waking up or giving any sign of life. He was just quietly breathing, and nothing else.

Steve guessed that he should be glad that Tony _was_ still breathing.

A sudden groan made him refocus his attention on the bundle in his arms – Tony was opening his eyes! Steve stopped and looked down, and Monica stepped closer with her floating lights.

Tony blinked a few times, his eyes slowly focusing on Steve. Then he grinned. “Are you my knight in shining armour? Does that make me-” He coughed. “Does that make me the princess?”

“Really now?” Carol asked, her head peeking over Steve's shoulder. “Jokes?”

“Well, I'm holding him in a princess carry, so I guess he _is_ the princess,” Steve said, trying to act calm and collected.

He was almost shaking with relief. Tony would be okay. They would all be okay.

“Oh god, he has humour,” Tony groaned. “And he'll never let me live that down. Let me down, I'd rather crawl back.”

“Nope.” Steve denied the request with a smile. “I'm going to take _such_ good care of you, and you will hate every minute of it.”

“Woe is me,” Tony exclaimed dramatically, although he sounded rather exhausted. “Is there no one who will save me?”

“Nah,” Carol said unsympathetically, walking on.

“He's all yours,” Monica told Steve, giving him a slap on his back and following Carol.

“I'm not the doting type,” Jan chirped.

Tony moaned and groaned, but he stayed firmly in Steve's arms anyway. Or maybe he simply was too tired to move.

After they had continued walking for a while, Steve got surprised by a quiet “Thank you.” He looked down and found Tony watching him with a serious expression.

“You don't need to thank me,” he murmured back.

“You didn't have to save me,” Tony informed him.

“Yes I did,” Steve said. “That's what we do, help the people who are in need. And imagine what Rhodey would do if he heard about rendering all his hard work at saving your life void. That wouldn't be nice.”

“No, it really wouldn't.” Tony laughed quietly. “But still. Thank you. Enjoy my gratitude while it lasts.”

“I will, then,” Steve assured him. “Now sleep. There's still a long way in front of us.”

“M'kay,” Tony mumbled, leaning into Steve's shoulder, eyes already drooping. “But only because it's you.”

With a smile and aching arms, Steve marched on under the starless sky.


	6. The Second Night

The innkeeper gave them a put-out look when they stubbornly knocked him out of his bed in the middle of the night. His mood didn't improve much when he saw that Steve was carrying an unconscious Tony in his arms.

“I'm going to have to charge you double,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Carol said, shoving him inside so they could all enter the inn. “Just hurry up and give us some rooms.”

Probably simply to spite them, he gave them the exact same rooms as they had slept in the night before.

“Will you be okay?” Jan asked when Steve carried Tony up the stairs to their room.

“If there's no emergency, I think I'll be fine,” Steve assured her with a smile. “Go and rest.”

They all said their good-nights and split up. Steve entered the quiet little chamber and deposited Tony on the bed. He still looked way too pale, even in the warm light of the candle (that the innkeeper had deposited in the room with a lot of mumbling and grumbling). Or maybe it was just the disgusting goo that was still stuck to his skin. Steve decided that washing it off probably wouldn't be too bad of an idea.

Steve carefully took off Tony's armour, gauntlets, and boots. He blushed a little when it came to the breeches and the under-shirt, but he guessed this wasn't the right time to get all uptight about things like that. He dunked one of the ready-made towels in the wash basin and started to wipe the worst of the goo off Tony's skin.

It was still difficult to imagine that Tony had been a nobleman once. A prince, no less. His body was well-proportioned and muscular, but it also showed distinct signs of extended periods of hardship. His hands were rough and calloused, the hands of a man who was used to hard work. Steve had seen his fair share of noblemen during his days as a paladin. There were enough of them that wouldn't survive a single day in the wilderness, but Tony definitely wasn't one of them.

The hand that Steve had been cleaning gently closed around his own. Steve looked up, surprised, and found Tony smiling tiredly at him. “That doesn't mean I like you yet,” he joked weakly. “Though I appreciate you guys saving my sorry ass.”

“That's good enough for me, I'd say,” Steve said, trying to keep a smile off his face. "I'm sorry for shooting you down from the rafters, by the way. I've been trying to tell you."

“And I'm sorry for last morning,” Tony answered, looking apologetic. “The...wash basin thing.”

This time, Steve had to actually laugh. “You're forgiven. Just maybe...give a guy a warning next time.”

Tony shot up, surprised by the comment, and then dropped back down onto the bed limply. (To be frank, Steve was a little shocked at his own honesty, too. But he couldn't find it in himself to even try and pretend, for once. It was a thrilling feeling.) “Oh god, I swear that tentacle thingy sucked all my energy out of me. I can't even sit up,” Tony groaned.

“Rest,” Steve said, standing up to clean away the towels and the wash basin. “We can talk once you're up and about again.”

“No, this is important,” Tony insisted from the bed. “Did you just make a joke?”

“Paladins are always supposed to tell the truth,” Steve sing-songed. “And it's widely accepted that we don't have a sense of humour.”

“Steve, don't play games with me, I almost died,” Tony grumbled, weakly waving his hand in a way that was probably supposed to be looking threatening.

“That's why you should rest,” Steve repeated again. It wasn't even an excuse. They were both exhausted.  He walked back to Tony's side of the bed and wrapped him up in his blankets. “I'll listen to anything you might have to say tomorrow. Promise.”

Tony gave him a doubtful glance. Then he sighed, murmured something along the lines of “Fuckin' paladins,” and closed his eyes.

Steve smiled and made himself comfortable on his side of the bed. The long walk really had completely exhausted him, too, and he almost immediately dropped off into a deep, dreamless sleep. (Luckily without any hint of tentacles. He really didn't need that.)

♥ ♥ ♥

The next morning, he woke up with an almost naked, very warm Tony on top of him. He lifted one eye, saw the mop of black hair on his chest, and closed his eye again.

“Morning,” he mumbled.

“You know, paladins are so annoying,” Tony idly commented, as if he had been thinking about it long and hard. “So uptight and self-righteous. Even if I am such an easy lay.”

“I don't think you'd be an easy lay,” Steve mused. “No, definitely not.”

“Why?” Tony asked, poking him in the cheek. “I'm right here.”

“There'd be feelings and tears and heartbreak,” Steve said, opening his eyes again to look at Tony. “And then you'd leave, saying I was boring. So no, no easy lay.”

“Feelings, huh,” Tony said, studying him intently.

“You're exactly the kind of guy good kids get warned about,” Steve informed him.

“You're too romantic and too idealistic,” Tony shot back.

“I know.” Steve sighed. “And you're wilful. And a liar. And I think I'd like a kiss, anyway.”

Tony grinned like the cat that got the cream. But when he straddled Steve's hips and bent down to comply with Steve's wish, he moved slowly. Gently and very carefully, he kissed the lids of Steve's eyes before he gave him a peck on the tip of his nose. He leaned back a little, looking at Steve again and giving him a much softer smile than before. Only then moved on to Steve's lips.

Steve was strangely moved by the gesture.

When their lips finally touched, it was like lightning running through his veins. A very addictive kind of tingling. The best kind.

Steve had never been a poet, okay.

“Not so boring now, are we,” Tony whispered against his lips.

“Aren't you glad,” Steve mumbled back, gently gripping Tony's arms and squeezing. For a moment, he wondered if what he was doing here was right. If he shouldn't think about the meaning of it first. But when he pulled softly and Tony followed his movement without resistance, melting into another kiss, he found he didn't actually care.

 

 

(Until Jan nearly broke down their door, that was.)

**Author's Note:**

> The reason why Cthulhu didn't just stomp them out was that the cult hadn't gathered enough sacrifices yet to summon him fully. And poor Cthulhu was hungry and tried getting a snack. Instead, he got smitten. Aw.
> 
> I still feel the story is too short even after more than 9000 words, so please forgive any holes in the plot. I wished I could stuff them all.


End file.
